Old Dog V
SPIRITUAL GRIEF
Bob Neumann
Dear Joe and the WPA, I really am not sure where to start here, so i guess I need to explain that i have had lots of dreams and too many visions i have never written one word on…. shared with anyone one and all. (before this post ends i will share one i have had to live with for 15+ years.)
The depression you talked about is a combination of exhaustion and grief. Physical exhaustion and spiritual grief. How do you think Jeremiah felt as they threw him in the cistern for his obedience? Maybe none of us may really know. Personally i have tried to live with Hosea 6…. Come, and let us return unto the LORD: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up. After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight.
Before HE RESTORES us, REVIVES US…HE WILL TEAR and SMITE. “smite” is a great old English term. But it basically means we will be hammered… trashed…whupped on…and GOD WILL do it, or specifically allow it to occur.
I have never hid my age or occupation. 32+ years in “health care” either burns you out or gives you a layer of calluses that make most thick skinned and appear unfeeling. That also could happen here in the more spiritual realm. In the natural realm there is a term that comes in and out of fashion every few years. EMPATHY…to “share what others feel”. Years ago I learned never to say “i know just how you feel”. First is that it may not be true, and Second people will call you on it. “How could you know how i feel!” Not a question but a declaration. No one in this world could possibly know how “i” feel.
In worldly parameters they are correct. But as a believer and a follower i know someone who does know everything. HE knows pain and grief. Many years ago when working in a very busy ER we went through several “MOCK” disasters. It was part of the county disaster plan, and part of the hospital’s plan to be better prepared for whatever may happen. So I got to be part of a couple of awesome skull sessions where we discussed “how to cope with the unimaginable” and ran through several scenarios. Being survivors of Hurricane ANDREW and close neighbors with a nuclear reactor and have one of the most “international” population in the USA….we “saw” multidimensional and multilevel events that were conceivable…maybe probable…and “if i hated amerika how far would i go” possibilities.
We all got trained in TRIAGE….choosing who can be treated and who would be a “waste of resources”. By our nature, our training, we RN’s, MD’s, Techs, Rescue people never not try to help. So this idea is difficult to accept.
So imagine a fairly normal hospital with fairly normal assets. Now imagine a disaster of BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS…say an explosion in a chemical warehouse inside a major warehouse/harbor facility. 2pm on Thursday….4 miles away. Windows in the hospital cracked…stuff fell on the floor…yada…yada…yada. So we all KNOW SOMETHING BAD happened… how bad…no one knows and no one may know for days or weeks. EMS…FIRE/RESCUE calls they are at the scene….injured found…attempting to treat at scene. All county response called for…Coast Guard called to assist in air evacuation. Secondary fires and explosions occurring as more storage areas are involved.
The ER has 40 stretchers and 24 areas for treatment. An additional 36 stretchers, 70 wheelchairs are being rounded up by auxiliary people…mostly retirees. Present ER (emergency room) staff 2 MD’s,( doctors) 4 PA’s, 6 RN’s,(registered nurse) 2 techs. (technicians for lab or equipment on floor or for other functions like x-rays or respiratory therapy) And everyone being called in ASAP… now it begins…and we wait…5-10 minutes… and the first truck comes in with 4 injured. All have burns…one puncture wounds to chest and abdomen… send to OR. Two fractures arms and legs treat in er….oh…didi mention…of the 24 treatment areas…20 had patients already? Sorry. Of them we send 10 either home or admit…and the other 10 get pushed into hallways till further decisions are made. Oh, the fourth “injured” is pronounced dead and someone will get them to the morgue.
3 more trucks come in..9 more injured…now private cars are bringing them in and blocking traffic demanding help. In 40 minutes all 76 stretchers are full…many wheelchairs…all the or areas are in use….and now we have the first firefighters brought in…toxic fumes…secondary explosions. Police are trying to evacuate 2 neighborhoods and 3 large apartment buildings. An estimated 200 more injured are on the ground…awaiting transfer to us. Total injured:1,200 and increasing as they dig through wreckage. Highway accidents closing traffic out of the area because people are panicking. So now we “start Black Tagging”. We have conference rooms where we start placing people on stretchers who are “unconscious”, “comatose”, and would require more time, people, assets we do not have. they are joined by others as the ambulances, fire trucks and private cars come in. we have 100 people in the waiting rooms we know can wait to be seen…but all want help now…. Now all this is “mock” and when the coordinator has one of our retired auxiliary runners fall in the middle of the hall with a massive “heart attack” and no one can leave what they are doing to help…we stop. We knew we were overwhelmed… and evaluated.
One thing…no MD or RN wanted to be chosen as primary triage. No one wanted even the possibility that somewhere down the line we would begin “black tagging”.
None of us wanted to play GOD…
And if this became real…someone would have to chose. Even in the “mock” disaster most of us were grieved we could do so little for so few. It was not our fault…. IN THE SPIRIT i have seen too many DEAD SHEEP, too many times….and i grieve. I hear the screams of those thrown in outer darkness, gnashing their teeth in utter agony, pain that will never go away. Maybe i have a fixation about THE OUTER DARKNESS… it is in the core of my being. That is why i am on the WPA….
May years ago i had a vision while working in an ER where there were so many wounded, injured, diseased that the floors were covered in every hall way. People in so much pain no medication could help. People were laying on the ground in the parking lot because there were too many and they came too late to lie on cold hospital hallways. and more were being brought in with no where else to go.
In the SPIRIT i knew that what i was seeing had a duel meaning. NICOLAITIN RELIGION was preparing people to be slaughtered. Not leading them to a REDEEMER. I also know what happens in the spirit also happens in the natural. call it reason to grieve.
Be blessed JOE
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